what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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