Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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