Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize