Do you still have your period?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
