About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
