she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
