i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
