guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
