It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
