Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
