I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
