I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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