Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
