it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
