Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
