I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
