and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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