My room smells like vodka and shame
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
