I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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