if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Non-Jews are for practice
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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