who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
