sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
