You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it glows. i had to have it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
