I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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