Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
