Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
