cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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