Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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