I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
