I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
