I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
