Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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