Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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