i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
