Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I just sharted jello shots
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
