the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Found your dick twin last night
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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