I don't think brook has ever known best
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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