he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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