Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
