OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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