Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
