if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize