your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
