He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
