is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Who died my cat blue again?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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