so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
