i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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