You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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