you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
