? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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