I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Randomize