I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
