I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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