please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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