White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
