last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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