im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
