so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
