I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
