she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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