He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
me + whiskey = a bad person
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
