o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
