dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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