You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
