Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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