Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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